Ariana (sp) wrote,
Ariana
sp

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The Lab

Well, now my hands are cold, so I"ll try and make them slightly warmer by typing. I am at work. I work at a gov. office under a civil engineer. (That's what i want to be when/if i graduate from college). I don't really do anything and i'm trying to decide if i want to keep it that way or not. I always hated it when i got complacient and lazy but tha'ts exactly what has happened. when i first got this job i was all about going and working in the lab but now i have the chance and i almost just want to stay up here and play on the computer.

I guess deep down in side it's not that i want to be lazy, it's just that i'm scared of going down there now. i have to take a break and build up my courage to go down there. See, i have some friends who work here with me. They are the reason i have this job. It's 4 guys, who are all frat brothers of John's. (John is the current He, has been for almost 10 mos., i guess i should take a little aside and talk about him, but i'll do that later). Anyway, 3 of them work in the lab and two of them have told me over and over that they don't want me back there. They say it's b/c girls just don't work back there, it's nasty and hot in the summer and cold in the winter and it smells bad and it's just not work for girls.

But, ihate that. I have ALWAYS hated that attitude. Even when i was a kid and the janitor lady, mrs. harper would come in the class and say "i neeed me a couple of strong boys to come help me _____(insert meanial task that anyone, including a 5 yr. old girl could do here)____" i would feel my face burn adn i (a normally quiet little girl) would raise my hand and volunteer. sometimes the teacher would laugh at me, other teachers would just ignore me and once i think one let me go, but mrs. harper sent me back in b/c "this is boy's work, little girls just don't do me any good". i hate that. i really really hate that.

Maybe it's b/c i grew up in a house where 4/5 of it's members were girls. Being the oldest I did the "traditional boy jobs" such as mowing, taking out the trash, etc. as well as the "traditional girl jobs" such as laundry adn cleaning the kitchen. my cousin joe who is only a year older than me adn who i WORSHIPPED as a kid would let me tag along after him sometimes...i still say that i could do anything he could do. (even though he just says he went easy on me). One of my grandmothers was one of the first women to get her law degree here at LSU, she was the first woman editor of some law paper when she was here and ithink she was the first women presidents of a class. the other grandmother ran a little country store practically by herself when her husband's health began to fail. i guess i just come from a long line of women who think "so what if i don't have a penis...i can do anything you can do, if not better" not to say i don't have shortcomings...i just don't ike to not be given a chance b/c i'm a girl.

anyway, i had a big long discussion about this with john about this. i know there are somethings i am just not going to be able to do, and i have to be sure not to confuse being discriminated against with the advice of friends who just dont' want me to get hurt or get in over my head.

I think i can't put tha off any longer so i will probaby have to start down there tomorrow or at best put it off until we come back from christmas break.

xoxo,
ariana
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